Years of abusing substances or engaging in other addictive behaviours inevitably leads to a deterioration in personal relationships.  There is often guilt and shame on the part of the abuser and anger, resentment and confusion on the part of the family member. A month or so in treatment is not going to repair all the damage but it is a good start.  Often on-going couples counselling is an essential part of the process.

Couples counselling is best started during the treatment process and many treatment facilities have family days or weekends when family members can learn a little more about the illness of addiction, talk to other family members and feel less alone in their struggles.  It is also an opportunity to open up the lines of communication that have been so badly damaged during the using years. It is a time to begin to be honest about how the addiction has affected the family member and for the abuser to hear that.  It helps to break down any existing denial but more importantly it starts the healing process for both. Open and honest communication is often the first casualty of addiction and it is the first that needs to be repaired. The breakdown of trust is also a common casualty which takes time to repair. Without open and honest communication any repairing of trust is always going to be difficult. Family conferences during the treatment setting offer the ideal opportunity to begin the journey of recovery for all the family that can continue outside of the treatment setting in couples counselling.

Although a couples or relationship counsellor does not need to have had specific training in the treatment of addictions it is important that they understand the process of treatment and recovery.  Recovery in Reality’s clinicians have all trained in addiction and couples counselling and understand the consequences of the illness of addiction as well as the difficulties the families have had to endure during the using years. An understanding of both sides of the coin can be helpful in facilitating the opening up of communication, the setting of healthy boundaries, ensuring both sides listen to what is being said and ensuring that both sides understand the other.  With a commitment to make the relationship work, a willingness to compromise and an ability to communicate, with the help of a skilled counsellor there is good grounds for both to move forward in the relationship.